This is such a great description of how it feels to live with the beast.
Most nights, I would find myself ending the day wondering if it was still worth it to be alive. There would always be this battle in my head, weighing the pros and cons of ending my life. It’s probably why I have always had such a hard time falling asleep. Living life with depression and more specifically suicidal thoughts is a balancing act. You are constantly trying to find ways to keep yourself from teetering too far to either side. You get too happy, you’re in danger of finding yourself in a nosedive back into depression. You get too depressed, you’re in danger of ending your own life. You really can’t win with depression, and that’s how it gets you to play its game. Not only to you have to deal with this unyielding back and forth, but you also have to deal with the inevitable whiplash that will come…
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The Writer In Me . . . 